Its rare if not completely unique at this point for me to write something in the moment. They're always thought I've had that get committed to...digital medium, after the thought. Sometimes hours sometimes days or weeks. But if I don't vent I'm gonna fume instead of sleep. and its almost 2am.

Tell me this. Why would you go to a bar so loud that most of your conversations consist of "wait WHAT?" "huh?" and "what?" to hang out with friends? Why the HELL would a bar full of tables, the only place to dance being the five feet in front of the bar and the small spaces between tables, play music that loud? So loud you wanna hide, run, stick your head under the table, anything to escape the noise. These are the places we post-college graduates go to hang out with our friends, and to meet new people. You hafta lean over and repeat yourself all the time to people you've known for years, so how exactly are you going to talk to someone NEW in this environment? I mean at least the music would be justifiable if you could really dance anywhere, but the only people dancing are the girls desperate enough that they WILL dance anywhere and the guys arrogant enough to think that they can walk into a group of five girls and dance with one or alll of them. So when was it that the fun part begins?

And its easy for girls to yeah get up and dance, two or three of them, in some random corner cause they just wanna dance and the music is on and they love this latest Sean Paul obnoxious poser hip-hop song. But I'm sorry, three guys just don't go in a corner and dance . So instead the guys sit around and oogle the random girls dancing wherever they feel like it until the guys get enough Moxie (also the name of a bar) to head over and brave the waters. How old are we? is this grade school? We've evolved 2,000 years socially to THIS? I don't feel so far removed from needing to use a club to get her back to my cave, but maybe that's just me. But personally I don't see much difference between popped collars white shoes and sport coats, and the alpha male silverback pounding his chest and bellowing for all to hear.

I'll have the bar to thank for spending most of my time with my grandchildren saying "SPEAK UP GRANDPA CAN'T HEAR NONE TOO GOOD" and falling asleep to the pleasant white noise tonight that will probably haunt my my waking days and dreaming nights for the last decade or two of my life. Thank God I'll just be able to strap a $10K computer to my skull to even hear my alarm clock in the morning, cause this is how I plan on spending the next 5 years of my life and its SO worth it. After all, where else can I go to see the Wachati Dance of Seduction so I can choose my mating partner from the 100 tube-tops in the half-light in order to perpetuate this enlightened species that we have become.

How long before its illegal to text in cars? Sure, phone calls occupy your focus and mind, but at least you're still watching the road, though you may not be thinking. But texting, which is clearly the next biggest trend (and on its heels is Blackberry emailing and internetting), is occupying peoples fingers and eyes as well- sometimes both hands. And yet THIS is still legal...

am i trying too hard to be profound and interesting? am i actually not at all? sometimes i think i can fool people, sometimes i think im fooling myself, sometimes i dont think im fooling myself and that its just true, that im smart and have interesting things to say. which is it really? a combination of all three at different times...? i really dont know. im not sure what the truth is, what reality is, how im perceived from the outside. its the ultimate unachievable existential goal to be able to separate yourself not only descartian mind from body but literally out of body, to be able to see yourself as the rest of the world does, see yourself for who and what you are and what you're really like- how you really come off, what people really think of you, how you really appear, act, respond, treat others. What image you project, what aura you carry, what persona you present.

When it comes to the dating game, is honesty really the best policy? Well probably not, because being honest is not playing the game, and we all know its a game. Don't hate the player, hate the game. Well I hate the game. A game where you can't be yourself, you can't be an honest good open person, because thats not part of playing, and playing appears to be the only way you'll get anywhere, because it seems there IS nothing but the game. So its either play or go home, huh? I'm not sure I wanna play, or even if I know how, and yet I'm damn sure I don't wanna go home either...

Why do we have the feeling our life needs to be meaningful and profound and world changing? Where is the planted seed that we need to make a difference, be significant, leave behind a memory, affect other peoples' lives, do something or make something of ourselves before we die? How come more people dont accept and succumb to the fact that we're all just ants on a giant hill, many of whom will lead meaningless lives carrying food to and from one hill or the next, continually following the ant in front of them, with an ant right behind them too- few even know where they're going or how to get there, and just rely on the ant butt in front of them...I don't feel like that and refuse to be like that, but you can see ants all around you...

Is true love when you really know everything about someone and can predict everything they will do, will say, will wear, almost as if its you yourself? Is that true intimacy and oneness? Is that even possible to achieve? Or is that when a marriage loses all its magic, excitement, appeal? Is that when your partner loses their identity and their mystery? I don't know.

There are so many cool moments in life that I either postpone, or feel like they're wasted because they could be spent with the one, but instead I watch the stars alone and wish there was someone there to share it with, I don't go to some museum or event, I wait and sometimes feel like I'm living half of moments because I'm living them alone- a sunset, a beautiful view, a song...

Whats the state of mind of a person when they finally decide they need to hit the street and beg? Or have they grown up that way, knowing the streets, used to begging? Surely there are people who grew up at least able to survive, making ends meet, that had one bad break- and what then? How does it really feel to hit that point where you know you're screwed, with no place to go, no place to live? Do you really have to give up on yourself and life to decide this is it, its time to sit on the sidewalk and beg because there's not better for me?

Its interesting that many broad-scale decisions that create standardized methods, though deliberated by commitee, are still often ultimately decided by one person. By this I mean, take a look at say the look of the subway map in New York. Its mostly the same as maybe one in Chicago, Boston, or any other major city- but its still not standardized, it was decided on by someone in New York, some head of some committee, someone who can say, "I did that." And yet you think of it as standard, as the bar thats been set, as if its just the way things are, as if it defines its groupset- thats just what those things look like, to you or anyone else. Take the iconic iPod for example. You don't think about the fact that ultimately someone hadta make a decision about colors or shapes or anything, you just think, an iPod IS this. And eventually, this look becomes iconic to the point that its memorialized in the human psyche as the embodiment of many things, representative in your figurative mind. Yet it was just one person who finalized that it should be this way and not that. Is this making any sense........?

Isnt it always the catch-22? Wanting to get all your stuff done so you have nothing to do but then...you have nothing to do. That for which you strive is completely undesirable once it is actually acheived, but the striving for it keeps you going and gives you a goal, though it really is providing you with stress and a monkey on your back, which in reality you dont even want to get off! Its a constant subconscious battle to clear your plate, but once you do, you have nothing to eat when you're hungry. You don't even realize this except very seldomly when you actually finish everything you have to do. Its like kids during summer vacation- all those months wishing they didnt have school so they could play endless hours of video games, only to realize that one week into vacation they're totally bored...

I think this is an example of why females and trying to meet and woo them sucks. How many movies, chick flicks, have you seen where something cute or weird happens, the guy does something weird or sweet for the girl, and the girls watching it are all "awwwww thats so sweet I wish a guy would do that for me!" NO, you DON'T. All that stuff that happens in movies- buying a random plane ticket to come visit when they go to college, playing guitar outside their window at 3am, sending secret admirer stuff- in the real world, it all gets construed as stalker-ish. Girls freak out, think its weird, creepy, etc. Its nice to think that being honest and affectionate and doing something thoughtful creative and sweet for someone you're interested in will work, but fact is, it won't, it doesn't, and yet girls continually wish for that stuff while repeatedly freaking out when anything nearly like that ever actually happens. Its ridiculous.