The temperature of a place (Im hot...really? weird, Im cold) is so subjective- do people not even realize that their bloodflow, mood, recent actvities and even recent meals all have a profound effect on how hot or cold they are? I always find it odd to hear people complain, very sincerely, about how hot or cold it is somewhere, when everyone else is clearly comfortable. Do you really think you're just the only one astute enough to notice the true temperature of the room? It makes me wonder then about physical comfort in greater extremities of temperature- still to a degree psychological, and subjective. Think about that the next time you think the thermostat is to blame for your discomfort. It leads me to another topic, Buddhists and meditation, Buddhists who can selectively change the temperature of a hand or a foot, slow the beating of their heart, and even steam a wet towel on their back in the snowcapped mountains of Tibet...

Another "mark my words". Someday, you will be able to search Google by sight or sound. You will be able to hum a tune into a microphone or play a snippet off of your XM Radio recording into Google and it will find the song- Title, Artist, available download. You will be able to drag a photo into Google as well, or upload it, and find out who painted it, or who the moviestar or landmark in it is. Google will be able to search based on pattern recognition for more than just words. You can even upload your picture, and see who else's photos it comes up with that you look like :) Google is totally stealing my idea now. Dammit.

There are two major things I think drive many people in a very large age range in reference to the rest of their lives- finding a soul mate, and finding a career. I know those two things are foremost in my mind. But the big difference between the two is, its much easier to be Type A, go-get-em, 110% about pursuing your career. Giving it your all, being all you can be; and whether or not you really succeed, you gave it your best. But chances are, "if you shoot for the moon, (at least) you'll fall amongst the stars." Not so for finding your soulmate. You can give it 110% and have nothing to show for it. Sure, a career has variables that you can't control, and you have to make the best with what you have. But when it comes to finding a soulmate, you can do everything you know how to do and come up no better off than you started. At least in a career, maybe you could be the secretary for the guy who's job you want. In finding a mate you may end up sitting alone at the bar staring at some girl with a wedding ring on wondering if she could have been the one.

How is it that eye contact is such an important thing for mammals. Not just sentient beings such as ourselves, but dogs, gorillas, animals in the safari. What is the impact of seeing someone seeing you? Knowing they they are looking, knowing they know you are looking, knowing they know you know. Why is it that you look around, looking at people, but as soon as they look back, looking at you, which is what you are doing to them, you feel compelled to look away? Why is there so much weight and meaning there? Such impact if someone retains your gaze, refuses to look away? There's almost a feeling that you've just shared a moment in time.....

"This is your life, are you who you wanna be?" "I know now that's all there is" This is life! This is all we have! Enjoy it now! There's no later! Later you'll be dead! When is this time we're preparing for? So much preparation, education, planning and saving- sure, its good to be prudent and frugal, I'm both, but still- you spend your whole life looking ahead, to what? Grade school you're anticipating high school, high school its college, college eventually its a job and money, and then suddenly you have a kid and you're looking ahead 18 years till you have the house to yourself again, by then you're looking forward to retirement, and then you're looking forward to being dead cause you're out of money, losing your memory eyesight and any remaining mobility, and don't have a damn thing to do or many alive friends left to do anything with. Bleak? Yes. But enjoy today. Enjoy NOW. Life isn't tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. Its always tomorrow. You're always wasting today.

While we're on politics and such, consider the economy. Take other governments for example first- socialism, communism, republic, or those named for their leader- monarchy, oligarchy, dictatorship, etc. Our country has a democracy. But then we have this separate word, capitalism, that defines our economy and our country almost moreso than our governmental system. Sure, socialism and communism refer to the economies as well, but in addition to the ruling type of government. In a sense, I think we could call ourselves a Capitalism, or a capitalism society, instead of a democracy. But look at what this economy has done to our government. As I mentioned before, the two ruling parties are constantly vying for our, the people's, favor, in order that they might win various offices and majority rule. But ultimately, its so they can do what they want. With what? Our Money. Since when was this so good? How is it that the majority of the Christians in the world live in this society where the rich get richer, every man for himself, survival of the fittest? Sure, there's something to be said for reaping what you sow, but when you aint got shit to sow, who's gonna help you out? It seems to me that Socialism, spreading around the wealth (and the food) is a much more Christian type of economy and government- sure, I'm not advocating it, nor am I moving to Russia, but just the same- do Christians ever think about this?

Not sure if I've already talked about this, but here goes. I guess seeing the anti-war/Bush protest/rally thing/event this weekend made me think/get angry. Politics is ridiculous on the whole. The whole bi-partisan structure, which smaller parties and those few Americans out there who care enough about their country and its leaders to get off their asses and say something about it are futily trying to change, is ridiculous. How in the world is anything going to change, going to be done right, going to be done with the people and not the party in mind, with two constantly warring parties vying for our vote, telling us what we want to hear in order that ultimately they can do what they want?

And how in the world can you find someone who believes in and supports *hopefully* more than 50% of what you do, when you're chosing between just two candidates? Sure you have the primaries, chances to choose other people, but really these days it feels like chosing the lesser of two evils, and fact is, regardless of their convictions, 50% of the nation thinks each candidate is wrong and evil simply for party affiliation reasons.

Take a look at all the Christians that support Bush for his views on abortion. But where do your Christian beliefs come into play when you look at his stance on guns and gun control (which is really arguable either way) and especially his views and actions on war? Sure, you could say we are sewing Christianity, capitalism, etc...but when did Capitalism become so amazing great, perfect, and CHRISTIAN anyway? Thats for another entry.

Because of the extremity of Bush though, the fear is that our next candidate will be equally as extreme and equally as bad (to half the nation) and equally as good (to the other half) as Bush was, because the extremity of his convictions and actions may dictate the election of a simliar candidate on the other end of the spectrum. And that candidate likely will be no better, and no worse.

What in our brains naturally sees complimentary colors, colors that match. Is it ingrained socially, or is it natural? How do we instinctively know, without thinking 'this color always doesnt match with that color' that something just *looks* wrong, just doesn't match? We just know. Where in our brains is this, what tells us this? Its more than simply something in our eye that is physically taking in the visual information, its an actual processing that is going on- its not the lens of the camera, its the software programmed into the chip buried inside. But I don't even know *why* colors don't match- you just look at them, and they don't. ???? What makes colors on a color wheel complimentary? Is it mathematical, a matter of physics, or is it something abstract and instinctual?

Forgetting is as interesting as remembering. As biological as memory is, how much can forgetfulness really be blamed on a person? Sure, if they dont readily continually attend to that info so it stays activated in short term memory, its their fault, because they didn't choose to keep it in mind and keep focused on it. But even then, if they *forgot* to remember, what does that mean? There are times I have felt horrible about forgetting something i really *wanted* to remember- so if I wanted to remember it, how did I forget? Because to a degree I couldn't help it- if something is amiss and the chemical that is storing that memory is changed or moved, the memory is killed and gone. Interesting.

Me actually finding "the one" is becoming less and less of a certainty. My odds of meeting someone period has greatly reduced since college. My odds of meeting someone similar to me also greatly reduced. My odds of meeting someone similar to me who is also single, VASTly reduced. The question arising whether I will live out my life feeling unfulfilled by hanging on to the unattained goal so many factors of which are out of my control. I think so-called pick-up artists are just attempting to control the chaos, to bring reason and certainty to the greatest of all mysteries, the mind of a female.

My real worry is at this point moreso that I will meet the right person and screw it up somehow, that it will be here and I will let i slip by, ruin the moment, and watch it drift away in time helplessly...that is if I haven't already met her and screwed it up somehow.

Its at least possible that the best course of action is to no longer hold on to the cliche and the perhaps unrealistic dream that I like everyone else WILL get lucky enough to meet an amazing enough person to be completely amazed by me, and to deal with me. Its worth considering that conceding alternate futures is the best course of action, to help me get over it and come to a sensible mind-set. Odd but if I could truly free myself of that maybe I would be happier than I ever thought I could be! And at the same time that very action and state of mind could be the very thing that would cement my singleness for life...or else put me in just the place I need to be to meet the right person.

The longer I live life as a single person and become completely self-sufficient and okay with and used to that, the harder it may be to ever consider or be able to embrace the possibility of marriage...

I have realized I am ever analyzing my life in ever greater-circumference circles from higher altitudes, a fractalized pattern of analyzing and quantification. I look at my own behaviors, my mind, my thoughts, the world in general, and I am continually developing what I think to be the highest order of cohesive thought and explanation of things, until I sit there for long enough that I realize there's another step back I could take, a higher altitude from which I can look down on everything and see where I formerly was. I am gathering more and more information and always feeling like Im finally looking at it all collected before me until i realize I need to take another step back and reexamine. Its crazy really.

The most important thing to understanding people, really underSTANDING them, (especially the opposite sex) is realizing that everything, EVERYTHING, contains meta-messages. More meaning than the simple words or actions. Every action, every word, carries with it obvious or subtle undertones- body language, context, tone of voice, expression, etc. These messages behind the overt meaning of the actions and words are as important as those actions and words themselves, because oftentimes they contain just as much of the message. Any husband or wife can tell you this, and if they can't, their spouse can probably tell you that they are missing a LOT. Any married person can tell you that there is heavy meaning behind simple comments such as "well you're home late" or "its okay I'll do it" or "sure its okay" or even "I'm sorry". A whole host of thoughts can be going through your mind, and you may be attempting to convey those thoughts without overtly saying them, in an attempt to let the other figure it out for themselves and act as they should in the situation. Lack of acknowledgement or understanding of these undertone messages can be relationship threatening, and saying "if thats what you think why dont you just say so" is not going to get you the response youd hoped for...

My most feared place in the world- the friend zone. Girls have it, they put guys in it. Once, you get in it, you'd hafta be a magician to get out. Its like these two paths- you meet someone, and for a bit you're walking down this path together, you're talking about the woods, the birds, the weather, getting to know each other. Suddenly you see a fork up ahead. Once you see that fork, you probably know immediately which way you wanna go. Problem is, when she sees that fork, she makes her own choice which path she wants to go down with you, and it doesn't necessarily agree with your choice, nor does it even necessarily depend on anything you've done or said. But once she makes a choice whether she wants to walk down the friend path or the dating path, the choice is made and its all over from there. Your choice is either to stop, turn around, and run out of the woods, or just be content with the path she has chosen. Don't you dare try and run through the woods from one path to the other- if you leave the friend path and try to find your way back to the dating path, don't think for a MINUTE that she will follow you- she will patiently wait for you to return to your senses, and to the path, or worse leave your ass in the woods and you'll never see her again. And if you leave the dating path and try to find the friend path out of the woods, you're following that path out of the woods alone. And if she tries dragging you through to that friend path, forget that too- you'll never even make it through the underbrush to that path together. The moral of the story? Screw the woods. Don't ever go in. Burn them down to the ground. The problem is, the only way to the other side is through these damn woods.........

I think the dichotomy between what is right (morally or even socially speaking) vs what is legal is increasingly interesting. Laws are really guidelines to in a sense save us from ourselves to a large degree, and also to provide grounds for punishment of deviant behavior. But consider the relationship between marijuana and alcohol. Given any one of a number of changes in the history of society, even one small one (not that this is a lecture on the history of drug legislature), their roles could easily be reversed- alcohol made on the sly, 1920's style, in people's basements, or overseas, smuggled into the country any number of ways, meanwhile marijuana bars flourish across the country and are most notably frequented in college towns on Thursday nights and in big cities on Friday afternoons. Really take a closer look, and what are the implications?

Is there such a vast difference between the physical effects of drinking vs. smoking dope? Both damage your memory. One damages liver, one lungs. One carries a physical addiction, and in fact is the only "drug" that you can die if you don't detox your recovery correctly. Thats ALCOHOL. One makes people hostle, loud, sometimes violent, the other sedates and fosters acceptance and mellow happiness. This is no argument for legal marijuana (or maybe it is?) but consider for a minute all the social effects of this legal drug freely sold to anyone over 21. Of course the social repercussions of now trying to deny people that drug would be monumental.

But the point here is that, think for yourself for once, don't let the government do it for you. I don't think its fair to judge those who choose to smoke weed (though the legal implications of being caught are a problem) and I think its hypocritical to judge them and yet barely frown at someone who choses to get piss-ass drunk on a regular basis. How many people find that they feel its okay to try weed in Amsterdam just because its legal? Thats the extent to which most have become social lemmings and passive couch potatoes whose only activity in their government is watching it on TV.

That is why I will continue jaywalking at will and yet denounce abortion- because my government doesn't tell me what's right. But that doesn't mean I'm not generally law-abiding- but after all, they *are* only guidelines. Read Crime and Punishment. But then his conscience gets the best of him........

Did I mention memory before? I forget :) The brain has a sort of mental RAM, the short-term memory. How does it work, how does it expand, how does it improve? Can it improve? I feel like the monhts of answering phones and taking account numbers over the phone has expanded my ability to retrain numbers in my memory, and retain longer ones, but I'm not sure if I've just actively learned how to do it better or if I really have improved my short-term memory... And how do you wake up with a song in your head? Some chemical that triggers that song in your head is just floating around and as soon as you wake up the song is just there. Sometimes its a song you haven't heard in months but its stuck in your short-term memory- I think it is things like this that illustrates the fact that the brain is largely a complex biological computer, which is truly amazing.

Consider this. How do all those asians get to Panda Express? Where do they come from, who hires them, who calls all their friends in China and invites them to come work for Panda Express? Cause truthfully, its just fast food. Good fast food, but still fast food. They could just as easily speak no English and work at McDonalds or Wendy's, but they all end up at Panda. The Mexican chains have Mexicans, and so on. Why? How?? Why??? The food really has nothing to do with it, cause its fast food. So why?

Social dynamics, espcially those of large groups of people, crowds, or mass random numbers- is there a rhyme or reason, a mathematical certainty, no matter how complicated, that can predict and accurately describe why the train is busier today than yesterday, or there's more mail today, or more people in line at the bank. There has to be some meaning and cause to the ebb and flow of people each day.

Life is so fragile. Not in a trite, "don't take it for granted" cheesy movie sorta way. I'm talking about a serious literal way. No "live life to the fullest" messages here- just a thought about the start reality that one little blockage in your artery, one little bullet in the right spot, a couple momentary lapses of the taken-for-granted ever-beating heart, a few minutes without the infinitely accessible oxygen in your lungs, and you're dead, gone, wiped off the earth, consciousness gone. Not only you, either. Its weird to think about the fragility of anything. Chances are, I will never drop, break, or lose my phone, cause I just dont do that. Its worth $200 (not that I paid that much), which is a couple days' work for me. Yet in a second I could throw that thing which is at my side 24-7 over the side of a bridge on the way to work and its gone forever, the 300 phone numbers in it gone too. I don't even think twice about what it would be like without that phone but it would be devastating. Hell, I could jump off the bridge myself, at any moment! Yet I don't, I never do, never will. But any of these things could happen at any moment. I could drop my iPod and it could shatter in a moment. You could take a match to a million dollars and it would be gone in moments. These things which carry such immense value. You don't even realize or ever stop to think about it until someone dies in an accident, and suddenly all those things you take for granted, and all the scary possibilities you never stop to consider, are suddenly very real. Yet they never happen just the same... Nope, no trite messages here. Just reality. Think about it. Ever drop your newly made sandwich on the ground? Its like that. All your plans, your dreams, your whole state of mind in that moment, suddenly shattered, gone, over.